Say It, Feel It, Process It

Say It, Feel It, Process ItSome days a laptop just does not cut it and I revert to pen(cil) and paper.

There is something about the non-linearity of multiple bits of paper that allows the ideas in my head to flow out, rather than bounce around. Being able to spread them out and switch between them without scrolling up and down, being able to see the whole picture rather than just the zoomed-in focal point.

An idea here, oh some clarity there, that means I can expand on this, that re-enforces that, which ties in with and is validated by those values.

My clients have all benefitted from my scribbles about their businesses as I listen to the blocks and as they celebrate their successes because understanding the bigger picture gives direction around what to focus on.

Over lockdown, I’ve been working on a new idea/format for supporting clients and have run a pilot program with some willing volunteers and have been absorbed into the detail of how I’d run it, what worked and didn’t work in the pilot, what needed to be added and taken out, who it would suit, what time and money they would need to invest in it. Creating spreadsheets, searching for images but there were some bits that just were not coming together.

Then this week I found myself with no laptop in sight, a stack of paper, my pencil, an Iced Coffee and a couple of hours to reassess where I was with it all.

As I mapped it out (remapped it out as I’ve done it before) there were lots of ticks (got that, got that, done that). Then there were some ticks that had also question marks (I’ve done it, but I’m not happy with it) but I let those go and carried on scribbling. It was then that I wrote some word that I’ve used before in a different place/context usually buried within a page, this time they stood alone on a page and they made more sense. Their weight, power and purpose stood out more. Seeing them in this way filled in the gaps and created some new bridges that brought everything closer together.

So, my reflection this week has been to get it out then #SortItOut.

Have you been stuck on something that has just been going round and round in your head, or in documents that just won’t come together, as there is something missing but you just don’t know what?
If that was a yes then feel free to book a free meeting with me, either online or in-person at The Curious Lounge to talk it through and #MoveForward.

(Republished from August 2020 as a reminder)

Reducing the gap between what you say and what people hear

Reducing the gap between what you say and what people hear.

Reflections on being interviewed for a business profile.

Stephen Wells - Business Coach Profile Wokingham Paper ScreenshotFor some having a clear concise message and description of what they do (not what their industry does) can be a struggle.

It’s really easy to get caught up in your own preconceptions and judgement which then taint your message. This also expands out into your close circle, the people that already know (ish) what you do, it’s easy for them to hear and read between the lines from what you have said before and give more understanding to what you say than is really there.

Therefore when I had the opportunity to be interviewed for a business profile article it was an interesting and reflective experience. To see what someone (who does not know me or my business) would hear and write about.

Does anyone actually hear what I’m trying to say?

Taz sent over some ‘Starter for 10’ type questions which I replied to along with some links to my website etc then it was time to be quizzed! I joke about being quizzed, it was a really great conversation, it was my own internal “am I getting my message across?” that kept popping up that allows me to include that.

The follow up questions she asked showed she had ‘got it’ digging on the bits I had glossed over and giving me space to expand on the bits I was particularly passionate about.

All in all it was a great experience, both being interviewed and reading the resulting article. Taz did a great job and the article has been well received online, at one point my post sharing it was trending on the LinkedIn #businesscoaching hashtag.

It did highlight a several things to me:

  • My general message of how I help people is pretty clear. Digging into what hold them back in their business and helping them find their way out of that rut.
  • I’m not great at talking about things that are in the development process. Speaking Gigs/workshops with other providers etc are things I am working on but not fully finalised at this point but they needed to be mentioned, therefore what I said was a bit sketchy and therefore what got heard was only 80% accurate. (Have put things in motion to finalise these details so they can be shared more effectively)
  • Recognising physical sensations/emotions are the key to self understanding. This is more of a reinforcement that a new highlight. I knew when I was answering some of the questions that I was not being 100% clear. I could feel the tension, the awkwardness in me as the half answers came out. Knowing I could not give more clarity, be more informative as things are still in development was uncomfortable.
    On the flip side of this, over the days since the article was published I’ve felt a lightness and release that has given me more clarity around the projects now that they are out in the wild.

Takeaways that I think are useful for everyone:

  • Over and above the obvious, be confident in what you are talking about, know what you offer, get other people’s honest feedback.
  • See/trust how you feel when you are talking about your offering. Are you super passionate/enthusiastic about what you are talking about (and that in itself should feel good)? if not then you are unlikely to engage the listener.
  • Try to feel into how it lands with the other person. Honing your ‘gut feeling’ or intuition takes time and practice as it revolves around self-awareness.

If you would like to have a conversation about how you can delve more into understanding how you do any of these feel free to drop me a message via the contact us page.

Responsibility Vs Fault

I was having a conversation with a friend at the weekend where they mentioned a recent injury and that they feel that it was their FAULT that it happened.

Worried young woman being accused v300My instant response (*see below for my explanation of this response.) was to ask if it was their FAULT or their RESPONSIBILITY?

This confused them a little and they asked for me to explain the difference, which in the moment I could not verbalise what the difference was, so we agreed drop the question (as I can’t expect someone to answer a question that has not been properly asked) and to move on.

So then as I was driving home it clicked….Continue reading

The Awkward Truth (Episode 1)- Working from Home – Tuesday 12th Jan 2016

The Awkward Truth are group(ish) coaching calls, someone explains their issues around the subject and we work on them.

The Awkward Truth about working from home, what works (for you) and what does not.
How to identify and deal with some of the distractions, and maximise the results by working at the right time and in the right way.


The calls are free / donation* based to attend
*you donate if you are able to, want to based on the value you have received from them.

If you would :

then please signup using the links above


Is today really any different?

This is not the kind of post I would normally share, but today (23/3/14) is a different day.

6 years ago today my dad died.

It was not unexpected, he had been fighting a terminal brain tumour with surgery, radiotherapy, chemotherapy and alternative therapies (mainly Reiki from both me and my mum) for the previous 10 months. The day before I had given him a Reiki session, I had felt the energy shift and there was more energy in the room that day than in any of our other session, I felt a connection to both sets of my grandparents who had passed years before and I asked them to take care of him. I knew it would be our last time together.

His life was about to end and mine was about to change forever, I knew my world was about to fall apart, I was wrong it was about to blow apart.

I thought I was strong.
That I could look after others and not after myself,
that I could ignore the pain and anger that was boiling inside,
that I could carry on without ‘dealing’ with it all

That worked for a while, then I ended up in therapy, borderline depressed (which side of the line I was on was never clearly defined) but I NEEDED to carry on, keep the professional face at work and the “I’m fine” persona the rest of the time.

I was far from fine. (some of you new this, some of you may have suspected it, and some of you may never have know)

My pain and anger boiled over – The shards of my broken world continued to spray out hitting those closest to me for years. People I did not even know when it happened took the brunt of it years later. And for that I am truly sorry.

The pain and stress I caused is beyond measure, and the knowledge of that is something I will always carry that with me.
However these things will no longer burden me.

I have spent years trying to find myself, trying to be the person that I thought my dad would be proud of and instead I have found the person I am proud of.

The things I know, the mistakes I have made (and there are plenty of those), the excuses I have used, things I am willing to share, and the things I am not! are who I am. They all make me stronger (and weaker in the same moment).

So today may be the anniversary of the day my dad died, but it is ‘just another day’ it is another day where I can have a positive and unique impact on the world.

And for that reason I would like to thank you all for being in my world.

What do you have to gain? Breeaking down Procrastination

Procrastination is a great one.

To me it is a combination of misunderstandings:

It’s too hard, I can’t do it

Usually the first of these is the misunderstanding about their own abilities. The person feels that the job/task/communication is out of their skillset, the feel that even if they do perform the actions needed they will still not get it right, therefore try to avoid this ‘failure’ by not doing it. Or they want to be proved right , that they are unable to do it, by leaving it so long that they have to rush it and never get to complete it fully, thus proving they were unable to do it. (This gives them a strange self satisfied content feeling that proves they can trust their own judgement)

Need vs Want

The second is that they do not understand the true value of getting that thing done, and how it ties into them achieving their goals.  They do understand that physically that event needs to happen, write a report, do the accounts, clean the house etc, but they do not integrate that with any of their long or short term goals (and the rewards that that will bring) and therefore see everything as a chore that NEEDS to be done rather than a positive action that they WANT to do as it will get them to the point they are looking to be at.
Most people have hobbies/activities that they will always find time for, this is because they WANT to do it because they unconsciously get something from it (pleasure, satisfaction, confidence, interactions etc) this unconscious recognition fuels their want for the next time that activity occurs. (This relates/equates to the self satisfied content feeling mentioned above) Learning to identify the positive rewards from things you WANT to do and seeing if you can find these in the things you NEED to do will help you WANT to do those too.

Lack of, or incorrectly defined goals

This ties in with Needs vs Want, lots of people have incorrectly defined goals, that is to say they have not dug deep enough.
They want a too earn more money, they want a bigger house, they want a partner etc. These are all WANTS but they are not actually identify the true outcome. Earning more money does not in itself change anything, it is what you will do with it (and the rewards that give you) that mean something. Therefore look at the next step to see what that fulfils for you, safety , security, freedom, joy etc as recognising that doing something will bring you joy or freedom is a far better motivator that it bring you an extra £100.

Breatking the cycle

By addressing any or all of these misunderstanding you can break the cycle that you have been caught up in and better relate to completing the thing you have been avoiding.

When you wish upon a Star

So last night, Tuesday 22nd of April 2012 there was a meteor shower. How many of you got how to look up the sky, so that you could wish upon a Star?bright star

We all know in our heart of hearts that wishes rarely come true, but being able to dream a dream helps gives us give us clarity around what we are looking for. A fixed point in time, such as last night can give you that moment that you require to focus one where you choose what to do you really want. One where if everything else, all the pressures ,all the doubts,  were taken away you would hope to find yourself. It is in these moments of clarity that is forced upon us that we can make fundamental decisions and changes.

To make a wish is only the start, to know what to do and how to do it your next steps.

Therefore, if you did wish upon a Star now is the time for action. Make your dream come true by working out the actions you need to take to achieve it. Anything and everything is possible and it is your choice to find the opportunity that will make it happen.

That Friday feeling

Yesterday I spoke about how everybody appears happier, more cheerful and productive when the sun comes out and posed the question:

What would you do if you could, without fear or anxiety, let your inner sunshine out each and every day?

Crunchie - That Friday Feeling

That Friday Feeling

So today it was no surprise to me to hear the good old phrase “that Friday feeling” again we all know that one :

Thank God it’s Friday

Thank Crunchie it’s Friday

TFI Friday (as Chris Evans re-branded it more than a couple of years ago)

What is it that we are also excited about? What is it about Friday or realistically the weekend that we so look forward to?

Does everybody really hate their job that much that the weekend gives them such freedom, such empowerment , such an ability to be passionate, that’s all they long for all week? Constantly waiting for Friday to be freed to be the person they want to be.

Do you recognise this in yourself, or in your employees or your co-workers?

If you do take 5 minutes to explore that feeling, ask yourself the questions that I’ve listed above. What does that Friday feeling mean to you? Why do you long for it? And how much better would your life be if you have that much passion everything you did?

Learning to harness your Friday feeling and use it each and every day so that everything you do it with passion and commitment opens you up to so many more possibilities and opportunities. If you’re suddenly seen as the person in your office or the supplier with a passion and commitment that nobody else is showing you will shine through. Not only will you be recognised and rewarded but you yourself will be more content as you are seeing the joy in the things you’re doing.

I’m not saying this is easy, most people don’t even know it’s possible. Some people are able to do it on their own, others need support and help.

Now that you know it is possible, just think of the value that could be added to you or your business by simply asking for that help.

Enjoy your Friday Feeling and I hope you have the same one on Monday.